A Dad Looks at 40: The Time I Tried Touch of Gray

I have friends with pretty stellar senses of humor. 

Some in particular are going to get a kick out of this particular blog. Once you’ve stopped chuckling at the headline my friends, check out how we ended up here. 

I recently turned 40. While I’m not one to make that into as big of a milestone as it is, many friends are all too ready to remind me how “old” I am now. 

The truth is, I wasn’t feeling old, until this all went down. Or, at least I was doing a good job of ignoring it. 

A blogger friend of mine referred me, recently to Smiley360.com. Great, I thought after looking at some of the products their writers reviewed. That is totally something I can do, and many of those products are things I can use. EmergenC, for example, is a family staple during the winter. 

So I hooked up with Nate, my guy, and he sent me my first product. 

Just for Men (R) Touch of Gray. 

“Really?” I thought. I mean, c’mon. Samara must’ve set this up. 

Truth was, it was fitting. 

Extreme closeup, yes. But notice the patchy look and the gray in the chin. Not cool.

 

Goatees were all the rage in the 2000s. Remember? Guys who made that a part of their signature look still don them, while many of us who couldn’t pull them off shaved them away the minute they got a little bit itchy. 

Or, in my case, a little bit gray. 

I was just entering my 30s when I grew my first one. And there it was, down on the corner – a big old patch of gray hair. 

At 30. 

Not acceptable. 

My facial hair was solid. The goatee

filled in well and I looked, for a while, my age. I kind of had a baby face back then. 

But that gray? No way. Wasn’t having it. 

Just for Men actually got me to grow another goatee earlier this year, just so I could try it again. And you know what? It’s pretty solid. Had I had this back then, I might have stuck with some facial hair as part of my look. It fills in the gray you have, and doesn’t turn the rest of your hair a “fake” black color if you’ve got dark hair like I do. 

So yeah, I tried it out. You can watch the process in this “not ready for TV” video right here. 

And laugh all you want. I think it looked pretty good. Even if facial hair isn’t part of my “signature look.” 

And yes, Samara, I’ll be getting you back very soon. 

After trying the Touch of Gray product. Looks pretty uniform.

A Very Schoemer Holiday 2016

Friends and Family,

They say one is an “original” and two is a “trend,” so, like Beyonce or that Sad Faced Blob Fish, I think we’re trending. It’s our 2^nd DIGITAL version of the Schoemer Family Christmas Letter. #BlameItOnJenn #StopTravelingInDecember

There are more than 525,000 minutes in a year, and ours were filled with a lot. They were spent at home, on soccer fields, at movies and out to dinner (invest in Noodles and Company stock, people); at CrossFit, work, school and on land, water and in the air.

And life, despite all the things the crazy people on Facebook want to tell you, is good.

Kamden is busy being “one of the most popular boys at Big Woods Elementary” as he’ll tell you. Yeah, we’re working on humility. To be fair, fourth graders are “kings of the school” and the staff there knows him REALLY well. And the kid’s got a lot of friends, which is great. They tagged along to his 10^th birthday party last summer and were a riot. Fart jokes and gut punches galore, man. Yes, 10-year-old boys are still disgusting. I’m still working on airing out the minivan. Kam had a great summer of soccer, finding his niche as a goal scorer. He tried football this fall and will hit the hardwood for some basketball this winter. Football is his true passion – our yard had more divots than my local golf courses from the boys playing on our home turf. And he’s sure the Seahawks and Packers are going to be scouting him soon here in Albertville.
Mattie Mayhem ALMOST went a year without horses. ALMOST. The barn she normally rode at burned down (no, she wasn’t there at the time, but we don’t blame you … ), but we found her a new spot over the October break. Again, we’re told, she’s a natural. Which makes perfect sense, because you know, Jenn and her jackass riding experience. (Ref: Schoemer Christmas Letter 2004, Paragraph 4). She rides really well and is wonderful with the horses, she also doesn’t mind doing some of the “dirty work,” which is what you have to do if you want to be part of the stables. Away from the farm, Mattie also hit the field in soccer and was NOT the kid playing in the dirt this season. She’s really liking soccer and will try traveling soccer next summer. She loves school and is getting great grades, which means to her at home gets to be as irresponsible and defiant as she pleases, for some reason. I often say we get Mayhem, they get “Matilda Jean.”

Ellie is going to tell you all about kindergarten. Here we go. Hope you have THREE HOURS to listen to her talk. Yes, words are STILL Ellie’s thing. She will literally get in the van, talk 90 percent of the road trip to the cabin, mall or whatever destination you might have, and then pass out for the last 10 percent of the ride. She may have a future in talk radio. She does love kindergarten and her teacher, who she said at first was “my Mini-Me.” Uh? What? Turn it around Ellie Jo. Ellie had her first summer of soccer and she WAS the kid playing in the dirt. She has more of Jenn’s competitive spirit, which is to say she’s not that competitive at all. She did have a lot of fun, though. Here, she’ll tell you …. (three hours later). Side note: Yes, she’s Jenn’s “Mini-Me.” And for a true experience, try riding in a car with both of them. #CantGetAWordInEdgewise

Mike and Jenn still have jobs. We like jobs. Jenn travels. Mike CrossFits. Life moves on. The Cubs won the World Series and the Broncos got the Super Bowl, so 2016 was pretty sweet for the sports fan here. Oh, and Jenn learned how to make great Moscow Mules, which changed everything!

Our summer weekends – when we’re not staring at a soccer field – were up at the cabin. The kids are all teaching each other how to fish off the dock, and swimming off the dock has become more popular. So it’s kind of a relaxing place for us now, instead of imagining the 2,291 ways our kids could get injured or dead at the cabin, the way it used to be.

We were lucky enough to head back to Disney World in December, this time with Ellie en tow. The kids had saved for FOUR YEARS (that’s as close to a political reference you’re getting this year) to bring her and it didn’t disappoint at all. We crushed all four parks (Magic and Animal Kingdoms, Epcot and Hollywood Studios for you newbies) and even snuck a jaunt over to LegoLand, which is the old Knott’s Berry Farm. It was filled with fireworks, fun and a day at the pool. We logged a ton of miles walking (Ellie riding) and did more roller coasters and rides than I can remember. My stomach is still somewhere around Kissimmee. If you know Jenn – and I think you do – we packed in everything we possibly could. Everything. Yep, we did that. That, too. Trust me. Everything. We even saw an alligator or two – or a crocodile, if you ask Mattie. It was a vacation full of memories and the kids, yes, want to go back. So that’s a good sign.

These three crazy kiddos – and yes, our dog is still here (Hi from Gertie) – keep us on our toes, and at each other’s throats from time to time. But they remind us of what’s important, that’s for sure. In fact they remind us all. The. Time. It’s getting annoying.

So, before this turns into one of Ellie’s soliloquies, let us just say this: We are so thankful for our families and our great friends. You make our lives so much fuller each day. And, if it starts getting “REAL” this holiday season for you – swing on over. Jenn will whip you up one of those Moscow Mules.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy 2017!
The Schoemer Fam

The Very First Paperless Schoemer Christmas Card

Welcome to HISTORY. 

Really, you should feel honored. Privileged. This is a “game changer.”

No cards. No stamps. An environmentally conscious Christmas.

Ok. You’re right. We hosed ourselves. After weeks of procrastination and a semi-around-the-world-trip, we looked at the calendar and knew this was the ONLY way we were going to get this thing out for you all to see.

That’s life with three kids for you. And, now, a dog.

Yes, as if three crazy little humans wasn’t enough we added a small dog, Gertie, this summer. She’s hyper and nuts and sweet and cuddly. Yes, she fits right in.

Life with three kids, now all between 5 and 9. It means soccer and swimming, school and summer camps, horses and trampolines. And meltdowns, tantrums, shouting and door slams. And that last part’s just the adults. 

Like I’ve told Jenn – “Of all the Moms in the world, you’re the only one who can spawn Chaos, Mayhem and mix it with Zen.” 

Kam, 9, is all sports and Legos. We had soccer tournaments and third grade football camps, and even played golf with Dad. He still loves to fish and swim, too.

Mattie, 7, loves first grade and still digs her horses. She had a full week of it this summer, and didn’t want to come home most days.

Ellie, 5, is in her final year of daycare and started to read. She’s so proud. She loves to play Legos with her brother and sing and dance with her sister. 

Jenn and I keep plugging along. I took a new gig with ISD 728 in Elk River as a communications specialist for the district. I’m having a great time so far. Jenn’s still globe trotting with Rockton and had her first trip to Europe (Barcelona) late this year. 

To be honest, it’s been a year of transition and the “brown” of December has made it a bit tougher to get into the spirit this year. But the kids keep us grounded, reminding us it’s all about family, faith and good friends. 

So, there you have it. The first ECard (and possibly not the last). I apologize to my post office friends, but this will have to do.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Joyous New Year to all. There’s so much (I hope?) to look forward to in 2016. 

All the best,

The Schoemers

  
   
    
 

The Very First Paperless Schoemer Christmas Card

Welcome to HISTORY. 

Really, you should feel honored. Privileged. This is a “game changer.”

No cards. No stamps. An environmentally conscious Christmas.

Ok. You’re right. We hosed ourselves. After weeks of procrastination and a semi-around-the-world-trip, we looked at the calendar and knew this was the ONLY way we were going to get this thing out for you all to see.

That’s life with three kids for you. And, now, a dog.

Yes, as if three crazy little humans wasn’t enough we added a small dog, Gertie, this summer. She’s hyper and nuts and sweet and cuddly. Yes, she fits right in.

Life with three kids, now all between 5 and 9. It means soccer and swimming, school and summer camps, horses and trampolines. And meltdowns, tantrums, shouting and door slams. And that’s just the adults. 

Like I’ve told Jenn – “Of all the Moms in the world, you’re the only one who can spawn Chaos, Mayhem and Mass Hysteria mixed with Zen.” 

Kam, 9, is all sports and Legos. We had soccer tournaments and third grade football camps, and even played golf with Dad. He still loves to fish and swim, too.

Mattie, 7, loves first grade and still digs her horses. She had a full week of it this summer, and didn’t want to come home most days.

Ellie, 5, is in her final year of daycare and started to read. She’s so proud. She loves to play Legos with her brother and sing and dance with her sister. 

Jenn and I keep plugging along. I took a new gig with ISD 728 in Elk River as a communications specialist for the district. I’m having a great time so far. Jenn’s still globe trotting with Rockton and had her first trip to Europe (Barcelona) late this year. 

To be honest, it’s been a year of transition and the “brown” of December has made it a bit tougher to get into the spirit this year. But the kids keep us grounded, reminding us it’s all about family, faith and good friends. 

So, there you have it. The first ECard (and possibly not the last). I apologize to my post office friends, but this will have to do.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a Joyous New Year to all. There’s so much (I hope?) to look forward to in 2016. 

All the best,

The Schoemers

When they Sleep

Sometimes you can see the child they “used” to be. When they sleep.

The Ghosts of Valentine’s Day Past

My wife (The Little Red-Haired Girl to you “regular” readers”) and I had our first date a few years ago on Valentine’s Day. 

O.K., more than a decade and a half ago. 

It’s a rough go having your first date on Feb. 14. There’s the pressure of keeping it simple, since it’s all new. But there’s the pressure of Valentine’s Day, because, it’s, well, VALENTINE’S DAY. Every single, 20-something DIES for a date on Valentine’s Day. So to actually have one is HUGE. Or so I’ve been told. 

I’m going to sound like an ass for saying this, but after turning 16 I was rarely without a date on Feb. 14. I’m kind of outgoing, was somewhat cute once I hit my stride (more on the awkward years later) and actually enjoyed relationships. So Valentine’s Day was right up my alley. 

I think of those Valentine’s Days sometimes. With the ones that didn’t work out, or got away (or I got away), and smile. 

Eight years of Valentine’s Day dates after my very first one ever (I’m pretty sure I was single for a couple of them), I found the right girl. Even after I dropped marina sauce on my wool sweater, and even after I said some pretty boneheaded things in the dates that followed that very first one, I hit it out of the park.

Some people will say there’s no magic to Feb. 14. That it’s just another day. Or they boycott the thing entirely. 

I guess I’ll always love it. Since it led me here. To my real Valentine. All these years after that very first date. 

 

 

Flying Solo

Since my wife joined her company about seven years ago, we’ve dealt with a new aspect in our lives as parents.

Travel.

Her job requires it, about 25 to 30 percent of the year. She has stretches where she’s out of the house for about three to six days at a time. Sometimes, they’re backed up on top of each other quite a bit. In the summer, however, she’s around more, which is nice.

But it astonishes me the raised eyebrows I get in response to this aspect of our lives.

“YOU stay home with the kids? You handle it all?”

Well, yeah. I kind of signed up for that when I decided to be a father. Right?

It’s pretty simple now. After all, at ages 3, 5 and 7 the most important item in the house is the iPad, and then the TV. Or, perhaps the video game console. Particularly in the winter.

Warming bottles and running to change a diaper explosion are things of the past in my house.

But even when we were in those days, I didn’t require much help. An occasional visit from Grandma was nice, especially when E was a newborn and M was just a toddler. But it wasn’t THAT hard to juggle.

A few guidelines if you’re going to find yourself as a “single” Dad for a stretch:

1. Kids have and LOVE routines. Stick to the same one you have with two. Ours is usually dinner, play, bath, brush (teeth), books and bedtime. In that order. Homework for K comes before dinner. Rarely is there an exception.

2. What’s important to HER when she comes home? Does the laundry need to be done? Should the bathroom be cleaned? Should the kitchen be set to go? I’m touching on the items that are important to my gal. For yours, it might be something different. But have that list and work a bit on it each night. You’ll still have time to watch SportsCenter or Fox. Or whatever it is you like.

3. Work with your employer. Being a single means more time dedicated to family. You don’t have that “backup” in case a meeting runs long. So mesh your schedule with your spouse first, and then your job. Most “bosses” are pretty understanding. Many have families themselves. Admit when you are LIMITED.

4. Let it go. This isn’t 2-on-2 (parents vs. kids). You’re playing zone. Some things are going to get messy, missed or downright broken. Let it go while they’re awake (if you can) and then fix it later. Breathe.

5. Know you’re appreciated. My wife always thanks me a lot when she returns. They’re not living the high life in whatever destination they’re hitting. They’re thinking of you back at home and their children. So it may be fun for a while, but then that little thing called guilt creeps in. So they appreciate the fact you’re there and doing what you’re doing.

TV viewing might increase. That’s OK. You might grab McDonald’s more. That’s OK, too. As long as you keep the family on the rails, you’re the hero.

And you might even get a reprieve from Daddy duty as your reward once in a while (read: beers with the guys)!

The Time You Decided, Like Us, To Go To Disney

Now you’ve done it.

You’ve booked the park passes. You’ve got the flights set up. And you’re going to pull the ultimate surprise on Christmas and tell the whole family, “We’re going to Disney World” (copyright Walt Disney, Inc.).

We did a little planning, asked friends and Disney Vets a ton of questions, and I don’t think we did too bad for our first run. The kids loved it so much. They were a little heartbroken that we didn’t bring their baby sister (who was 2 at the time), so they are busy planning our next trip.
I found it fitting to do a retrospective of our trip so when the time comes to go again we, our planning isn’t fogged by the years and we can learn from our first trip.
As part of our retrospectives we made two lists, pluses and deltas. The pluses everything we loved, would do again or recommend to others. The deltas being the things we will change next time and/or recommend to others.
THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO:
• Plan, plan and plan some more – We had a general plan of which park we would go to each day and then each night we would list out which rides/attractions we were going to go to. We used the ‘PassPorter’s’ Disney travel book. They had a great itinerary for each park. One for if you were traveling with kids and another for just adults. We would use this as a guideline and make modifications based on what we wanted to make sure to see.
• Advice – Ask others. We got a lot of great information from friends/Disney veterans. We were lucky that our sources had kids who were similar in age to ours.
• PhotoPass – the park photogs are “hit and miss,” but they’re usually pretty good. And since most don’t want to lug around their SLR when they have little tikes with them, the photo quality is better than you’ll get with your phone.
• Park Hopper passes
• Fastpasses – A must. If there are rides you know you will want to go on multiple times one idea is to get a fastpass for the ride, get in line and ride the ride and then go back and ride it again.
• Stay on property – if you can swing it, stay on property. Here are a few benefits we found from staying on property:
o Shuttles/trams
o Magic hours – where the park is open early or later for guests staying on property. We benefitted from this a few times. One we were able to sign our son up for Jedi Training (Hollywood Studios), get fast passes to some of the very popular rides (rides which normally have 1 -3 hr. wait times) and walked on to other rides because the park was closed to other guests.
o Disney Magic Express – LOVED this! This service picks you up at the airport and brings you to your hotel. We didn’t have to worry about getting our bags when we arrived in Orlando. Instead the DME picked up our bags and brought them to our room. When we headed home we were able to check our bags at the DME curbside check-in right at the hotel and didn’t have to worry about checking them ourselves at the airport. This was a HUGE help when traveling with kids.
o Your room card doubles as a credit card. We didn’t have to carry around extra cards because we always knew we would be able to charge purchases back to our room if we needed/wanted to.
o Parking – we didn’t have the added expense or worry about parking
• Groceries – We had groceries delivered right to the hotel via Garden Grocer. We ordered things like, yogurt, cheese, lunch meat, Peanut butter, jelly, crackers, bread, trail mix and water. All things which could be used for a meal or a snack.
• Snacks – We brought snacks and water into the parks. This doubled as a money and a time saver.
• Backpack/cooler/water bottles – We brought a soft-sided cooler and ice packs with us in our backpack.
• Phone Apps – “Disney Magic” and “Disney Wait Times (both for iPhone) worked great for us
• Daily allowance/Budget – We set a daily allowance for what each child could spend. This helped reduce them asking for everything under the sun and made them really think about what they wanted to buy. We also had an overall daily budget. I have to say bringing snacks and water into the park helped us spend less than half of what we budgeted.
• Disney apparel – Buying Disney apparel and even souvenirs where a ton cheaper online. We bought the kids shirts, pjs and a few other Disney items before we even left and brought them with us.
• Stroller rental
• Shows – We loved all the shows we were able to catch. Originally we focused on hitting the nightly shows, which are must sees. My daughter and I took in a Beauty and the Beast show at Hollywood Studios that ended up being a great little break in our day and very entertaining.
• Jedi Training – If you have a Star Wars fan this is a must. Hollywood Studios offers training but you have to sign up. They offer a set number of show/training times. Here is one time where the Magic hours saved us. The park opened at 9:00am, Magic hours started at 8:00am, we were in line at 8:30ish and the soonest we could get our son in as the 2:00pm show. We also lucked out and got some great pictures of the training because of our pre-purchased PhotoPass.
• Epcot – Epcot was a great park to hit all the character spots for us. Given the ages of our children, 6 yr. & 4 yr., we had a much smaller laundry list of attractions to hit at Epcot. So taking advantage of seeing the characters here was great!

Things We LEARNED
• Stay longer – We only had 4 days. next time we will be going for no less than a week.
• Travel day – Do not try to squeeze in an entire park the first day/night you get there. Instead either go to the pool, Downtown Disney or try hitting one of the evening shows at one of the parks. Or go to the pool. Cuz the pool is good.
• Dinning Reservations – Make these at least 3 months in-advance, or more if you can. For us I’m going to find a few places we really want to go to, not necessarily every day/night, but at least the places we really want to make sure to go to.
• Multiple Days per Park – Make sure we have at least two days to go to the Magic Kingdom or the parks important to you.
• Sea World – Make sure there is time to go to Sea World
• Be flexible – Have some flexibility to change your schedule or make adjustments for weather/crowd size and other situations that might pop-up.
• Go to the castle – Believe it or not, we admired the castle from a far but never went right up to it.
• Transportation – Plan extra time for transportation, it always takes longer than we planned for.
• Rain gear – Bring rain gear
• Break – I, and many others I talk to, realized I/they should plan breaks mid-day to take naps and then head back to the park. The Red Haired Girl is a wake up and don’t-stop-until- you-drop kind of girl so I will need some help implementing this one.

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The Time She Turned Three. Already

E is our little. And by little, I mean that she is not big. We have 7, 5 and 3, so they’re all, technically, little. Sorta. But we call the other two – K and M – our “bigs” because, well, they’re big.

K is 90th percentile in height. M is taller than K was when HE was 5. So they’re big kids. And they’re on track to stay big.

E is our peanut.

We call her our “monkey,” but I hear that from a few families. She, like all 3 of our kids, has multiple nicknames. And she’s earned them all.

But E is our special gift. Our surprise we never really knew we needed. Cuz sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need, as the old song goes.

We were pretty much used to four before E came. M was such a tough little baby. She nearly drove us crazy. So when we found out we were pregnant with E, there was that moment of panic.

Do we have enough? Can we juggle 3? What about zone vs. man-to-man?

And she came. And she was so EASY.

There have been tough moments, sure. She can scream and yell with the best of ’em. But E is not her brother or sister. And she lives up to that “magic” status that sometimes gets associated with those who have more than two kids.

And so she is 3. Already.

Time flies when your monkey’s havin’ fun.